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Owner of a Lonely Heart
One single lady has thought up an ingenious way of publishing her singles ad…on a ten pound note! It’s amazing the idea hasn’t been cottoned on to before really. Simply scrawl your credentials and phone number onto a bank note, send it forth to the population and wait for a reply! For those who are interested this hopeful lady wrote: “Lonely lady 43 seek male companion age 45+ non smoker. Tel *****”. Let’s hope she found her 45 year old, non-smoking prince Charming!
The Pope forgives John Lennon
The Vatican has publicly forgiven late Beatles singer John Lennon for his remark that the group were “bigger than Jesus”…42 years after he made it! Proving that time can heal all wounds, the Vatican newspaper declared the claim to be simply a “boast by a young man grappling with sudden fame.”
Life on Mars
Does this news clip really depict poof of life on Mars? Watch it and decide for yourself!
Credit crunch hits Mr Christmas
The credit crunch is currently affecting us all- but some in very different ways it would appear! For a certain Andy Park, aka ‘Mr Christmas’, the financial crisis is spelling the end to his 14 years of celebrating Christmas …EVERY DAY! Yes, you read it right, every day for the past 14 years Andy has eaten a full traditional Christmas dinner with champers and given himself Christmas gifts. Divorced father of one ‘Mr Christmas’ says: 'I've been through 37 electric ovens and worn out 23 video recorders by watching the Queen's Speech every day. I've also sent myself 235,206 Christmas cards. But these days the postage is so dear I'm having to deliver them myself.’ Poor mite.
Pic of the Week
Aaron “wheels” Fotheringham breaks Guinness World Record doing back flips in his wheelchair.
Love Thy Neighbour
Julie McIlroy of Cardiff joined a national dating site to find love and spotted Allan Donnelly’s profile. She liked what she saw, messaged him and was delighted to find he also lived in Cardiff. It wasn’t until they spoke on the phone however that they realised they both lived on the same road, only a few doors apart.
Who said what?
"I sit there and I look back and I'm like, "I'm a smart person. What the hell was I thinking?""Britney Spears uses the medium of hindsight to make sense of her spectacular public disintegration and simultaneous transition from kiddie-friendly, butter-wouldn’t-melt corporate pop poppet to weapons-grade mentalist. Well we can’t tell you what you were thinking, Britters, but we can tell you that you were bloody brilliant and you’ve banked more rock n’ roll credibility in two years than the Pussycat Dolls could manage in ten careers.
Horse Nonsense
Our fearless newshounds have uncovered a sinister side to binge-drinking culture hitherto unreported and untackled – that of horses on the lash. In Romania police tested a horse for alcohol consumption following an accident in which the cart it was pulling hit a bystander. Closer to home in Cornwall a horse fell in a swimming pool after chowing down on a load of fermented apples while poor old Peggy the Carthorse has been barred from supping John Smiths in the Alexandra Hotel, Jarrow for leaving dirty great hoof-prints everywhere.
MOVIE: Ghost Town
Part rom com, part morality tale, part fantasy, Ghost Town is the story of an English dentist who, for reasons we don’t have space to go into, is being pursued around NYC by the restless spirits of the recently deceased. Gervais is unlikely to crack it as a major dramatic actor but in his first Hollywood lead following a string of successful cameos his presence and style make the most of witty script to ensure that, unlike Simon Pegg’s How To Lose Friends, Ghost Town isn’t just another production line effort. Charming.
MOVIE: Igor
Eddie Izzard and Steve Buscemi, along with John Cusack in the title role make a fair stab at lifting this odd tale above many run of the mill CGI offerings and at times they succeed. The script does an adequate job of entertaining both kids and adults though the animation style won’t appeal to all. There’s a kind of Nightmare Before Christmas stop motion feel to it that you’ll find either refreshing or a little flat depending on your taste. Overall it provides decent entertainment but there’s nothing particularly memorable here.
MOVIE: Burn After Reading
The Coen Brothers recent output hasn’t all been as well received as their earlier work but one thing’s for sure – they make flims like nobody else does. George Clooney who put in such a cracking turn in Oh Brother, Where Art Thou returns to the fold amid a stellar cast also featuring Brad Pitt and John Malkovich. It’s a Coen-eyed spin on the Bourne-style action espionage idea combined with the understated, quirky character comedy which underpins all the Coens’ best work. Great stuff.
MOVIE: How To Lose Friends And Alienate People
Who’d have thought back in the days of Big Train that in a few years Simon Pegg would be a bankable Hollywood star? As unpredictable as his rise to superstardom has been, the same can’t be said for this formulaic adaptation of Tobin Young’s account of life at Vanity Fair. Clumsy, blunt satire, a few moderately amusing sight gags and a romance that you won’t give two hoots about one way or the other is the long and short of it. You can’t blame Pegg for filling his boots while he can but this film, though inoffensive, is as disposable as they come.
GAME: Rock Band (PS3/Wii)
Electronic Arts saw the success of Konami’s Guitar Hero and they envied it, and by and by Rock Band was created to net EA a slice of Konami’s pie. Rock Band adds drum and vocal elements to the mix while maintaining the axe-shredding of Hero although it’s still the guitar bit that provides the most fun. Xbox360 owners were lucky enough to get Rock Band back in May but now Wii and PS3 versions are finally here, the only disappointment being the lack of new tracks or features. If you can excuse EA’s laziness then this is the ultimate party game.
MOVIE: Pineapple Express
Seth Rogen, one half of the writing team that brought you Superbad is back with the funniest screenplay since, well, Superbad. There’s no shortage of entries in the dumbass stoner comedy genre but it’s the willingness of the producers to present their characters as flawed, average-looking (at best), occasionally unpleasant and rarely witty that wins the day. This establishes an instant empathy with the vast majority of viewers and makes Pineapple Express hilarious, fresh and engaging.
MOVIE: The Women
Diane English’s rethinking of the 1939 melodrama starring Joan Crawford, itself adapted from a 1936 stage play sacrifices the bite (and point) of the original to leap on the female empowerment bandwagon, rolling once again under the momentum of the Sex And The City movie. Unfortunately what was a dramatic tale of wronged society wives has been turned into another homily about how women only need men for sex and should be out there grabbing life by the balls and crushing the meek beneath their Jimmy Choos. Charmless.
MOVIE: GET SMART
Steve Carrell’s understated and quietly engaging style may give him more longevity than the likes of Jim Carrey and Jack Black so long as he doesn’t go the way of Ben Stiller and start turning up in a new comedy vehicle every two months. Get Smart is a watchable Bond spoof with nods to Mel Brooks’ classic 60s series but fans of that seminal show will be disappointed. Unfortunately due to Hollywood’s dearth of new ideas no treasured TV memory is safe from the pillaging hands of grasping studio bosses.
MOVIE: Star Wars: The Clone Wars
With every further entry in the Star Wars pantheon the evidence becomes more compelling that, far from being a visionary sci-fi genius, George Lucas just got monumentally lucky with the original trilogy. Classic set-pieces and memorable, charismatic characters have given way to appalling scripts, dull stories, dreadful acting and a reliance on CGI that rubber stamps Lucas’ creative poverty. Sadly this narrative-free animated precursor to a forthcoming TV series and the virtually limitless merchandising options it will generate will leave fans cold.
GAME: Summer Athletics (Xbox360/PS3)
The Olympics have started. ‘Ooh!’ yell various marketing bods, ‘Let’s bung out a crappy button-bashing track and field game to cash in on public interest’. And so they did, and here it is. Multiple events, waggle, bash, blah. There’s no love here, no passion. Some events are diverting at first in the same way that internet flash games can be but they’re free and this costs 40 smackers. Somebody somewhere needs to take a long hard look at themselves but they won’t because they don’t care, and that’s obvious right from the opening screen.
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